I was sitting in the waiting room for 30 min past my appointment. Your nurse then spent twenty minutes talking and asking questions. Now 1 hour after I got to your office, I sit across from you, I see it in your eyes. You don’t believe me think I am a fake! You only see what shows on the outside, I look healthy. But what you don’t see is the pain I feel day in and out. The war my body causes, in rashes, fatigue, weak, heavy feeling, dry mouth, being cold, avoiding the sun and florescent lights, hands and feet go numb, tingle etc…. As I sit here, I am feeling exhausted only two hours sleep. I had a hard night with pain and when I cough there is an electric shock pulsing in my arms, I have had for about a month.
The concerns I have about my feet being burned 2 months earlier, and not feeling them don’t concern you. When you look at picture I had of my feet you shrug it off. The symptoms I am telling you are real… I wish you could see me, the real me, the one ready to collapse. As you explain, my feet as a friction thing, stating I must have done an activity for an hour over and over, to cause the wound. I sit silent, not discounting what you say, because I know your “that doctor” who doesn’t believe in invisible diseases. What I didn’t tell you is that five minutes of walking is the only activity I had done for days, infact I had been in bed, sick and not able to do anything. I walked out barefoot on black top tar for five minutes, when I came back in twenty minutes later my feet hurt burned like I stood on a hot oven. The next day my husband noticed the blisters. I could not walk it hurt. No I didn’t come in, because I had a hard time standing. The only reason I brought it up is because of the other symptoms I came to you for. The hard to breathe and electric shock, I was so tired the only thing that came out was the eletric shock, which you focus on my b12 I am taking. You explain, “The B12 your taking might be to much. But that should not be why your feeling this shock only when you cough.” You then rattle off my meds asking me if I am truely taking them? Each time I say “Yes” You then tell me I am not going to like your answer. You go off on a ten minute explanation about nerves. I stop you in mid sentence, “So you are not going to do anything?” You state, “Nope but if the symptoms get worse come back in and we can do a very painful nerve test, and a chest x-ray.” I walked away, so you didn’t see the tears. You didn’t even touch me, not offer to do labs of my vitamin levels that at first you seemed concerned with the levels, but only looked at my records that through you I realize my other doctor has not kept your office up to date. The last five years my diagnoses has changed…
Dear Doctor, what I should have asked you as you introduced yourself, “Doctor, do you believe in invisible diseases?” I now know what the answer would have been by how I was treated today. I have learned if a doctor doesn’t examine you, for your visit, he or she does not believe your symptoms are real. I will not be coming back to you, but will search for a real doctor with an open mind, that believes in helping a patient, not what he reads in a chart… I hope that a loved one or yourself does not have to go through what those with autoimmune disorders go through. You see it’s not the symptoms you face daily, even though they are draining, it’s when people don’t believe you that can knock you out…
Lupus, Sjogren’s, Raynauids
Fibro, Neuropathy, Vasculitis, Osteoarthritis,